So, if you have been following along I tested at 12DPO and got a nice fat positive on my FRER, and then I followed up a few hours later with an IC (internet Cheapie) Wondfro HCG test. Seeing the lines there made me know that my FRER was not a fluke. I tried to con my husband into getting a digital test but he did the whole “is it really necessary is this any different than all those tests you have at home?” The answer was of course, no, but I just wanted to see it say PREGNANT. You know what I mean?
I had a nightmare my period started, so I woke up at like 4 am and was in a tizzy because i was having cramps. I didn’t understand— was my period going to come? Was the cramps i was feeling gas pains or period cramps? I checked my CM and it was watery–it’s always watery right before the dreaded “aunt flow” so I started to freak out. I mean, freak out, and went back to bed and laid there and prayed my heart out that my baby was ok, that my pregnancy was ok, that my period wasn’t coming.
I prayed like that for about an hour before falling back asleep. I woke a few hours later, rechecked my BBT (I checked it at 4 am and it was high, so that made me feel ok) — even higher, yay— and took another pregnancy test. The line was darker. I felt better about seeing that, as though the darker line was somehow proof that I wasn’t just a kookie freak show. I started googling about my CM– it’s wet, yes, and has some chunks in it, and does seem maybe like it’s pre-period style CM, but since it was a normal sign of my impending period I am freaking the hell out.
The problem with the internet, and googling things, is that you can’t find clear answers to anything. If you are like me, googling the CM issue tells you that there’s lots of people that have watery CM in early pregnancy, and lots of people that got their period. The only thing I did notice was that women who got watery cm without a BFP were always not pregnant. Since I have my BFP…that must mean I am pregnant, right? Right?
So in my angst I call to make a doctors appointment. Seems like a good thing to do, to verify my pregnancy and all that. And the lady on the phone is like, oh, hon, sorry— we will not see you until you are 8 weeks! 8 weeks!!! Granted, that’s just a month from now, but seriously… how can i be expected to wait a month in this limbo of what the shit is going on with my body? I called an urgent care place to see if they would do a beta HCG to make me feel better about my situation, and luckily they will, but my husband thinks I’m a total nutbag.
I have a feeling I am going to be experiencing 9 months of total nutbaggery, God willing.
Until tomorrow, or well– Weds– I don’t think I’ll feel ok about this whole pregnancy thing until my period time comes and goes. Since I’m a clockwork kinda gal, knowing that my period date has come (and passed) will probably be the reality check I am desperately craving. I don’t know that for sure, I can SAY that all I want, but I just think that knowing early is maybe, sorta, kinda bad. The reason I am glad to know early is that I probably would have had a few bloody mary’s with brunch yesterday (and would have felt so, so guilty come tomorrow when I would have tested the first time). But that’s probably it. Otherwise, knowing early is kind of hard, because you feel so terribly uncertain about everything. Maybe that’s the mark of pregnancy. I don’t know.
More from me (and this crazy adventure), tomorrow!