So, miracle of miracles. This morning I didn’t pee on a stick!
Either that means I’m feeling more confident in my pregnancy or I’m getting less crazy. I think maybe it’s a bit of both. I feel better today. I mean, mentally better 🙂 Yesterday, I had lots of the dreaded gas (geez, gas is terrible for me y’all, and there’s nothing that seems to make it better). I was also crazy thirsty all day and woke up about 5 times to pee. This morning I woke up with a headache too. If yesterday and the day before were any indication, morning sickness will start up in a few hours, leaving me pretty much useless for 2-3 hours at work. Luckily, my girls love me and think it’s cute.
The main thing I think I’m having to watch out for is the fact that I’m super moody. I got a phone call from a colleague yesterday asking if I was ok, because I seemed really angry the day before. I was really angry, most of it was irrational, but I was super pissed. I kind of instantly snap to being angry over little things, which is SO unlike my character it’s crazy. I just get so…well, it’s like when Mrs. White from Clue that would say “flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths…” That is so what happens to me! I go from zero to bitch! It’s terrible. Looking back, I think that was my first real clue that I was pregnant. I had a customer last Friday that totally offended me and I snapped on him (I have never snapped on a customer in my LIFE) and now this guy is scared of me. He did insult me and said he doubted I graduated college (I have a master’s degree,) and that I couldn’t have a boyfriend (I’m married) and then didn’t believe I owned my business, so he deserved the bitchery, but still. I normally can keep it in check. I cannot keep anything in check any longer.
I hope that once the hormones settle down I’ll not be such a rager!
In happier news, yesterday I started a secret Pinterest board for my nursery! Here’s my nursery inspiration photo:
This is essentially the look I want, but with more neutral tones because my husband doesn’t want to know the gender (I do! So bad! Already!) but I feel like I need to respect what he wants just as much as what I want, so I am trying to honor his request. And possibly attempting to sway him in the direction of finding out, but if not, we are going to keep it pretty neutral (so no rose pink bedding). But I love the look of this nursery, and thinking of the future– of our happy little bundle of joy that is growing in my belly, officially a little embryo, with its heart just starting to beat… is the greatest feeling in the world.
From today on I’m going to try to live in less fear, more celebration. It’s funny, because I spent so many years wondering if I was going to be a good parent, if I could be a good mother– because I didn’t know. I felt so self absorbed and so “me” focused. But the day I saw those two lines my entire life changed. I became a different person, instantly. All the sudden the only thing in the world that mattered to me at all was this baby, our family, and our lives together in the future. I have no doubt that I am going to be a great mother– that I am going to love this child with all of my soul, because right now I have so much love for this little baby that I can’t even stand it. And that’s where the fear and paranoia comes from– I guess I have a lifetime of worry ahead of me, worrying about the safety and well-being of my child. All I know is that it is the most amazing feeling in the world.