First Trimester

Today was a pretty good day

Ah! My nausea was mild, headache was mild, boobs were mildly sore– I didn’t cry over anything irrational or rational, didn’t lose my temper over any and everything. Yep, today was a pretty good day.

My little babe turned 5 weeks today– which is super exciting, and while I had my usual bout of paranoia and craziness, but I worked on talking myself down. I had the whole “I feel better today– clearly SOMETHING must be wrong, right? Are my hormone levels dropping? Am I somehow less pregnant?” I got on my knees and prayed like a madwoman, asking God to please just turn off this sound in my head and this paranoia and this fear. I can’t explain it– I have never loved anything so much in my life, even before knowing my little baby, I am so tied to it, I feel like it’s such a part of our lives and my soul. I am so head over heels that I would do anything and everything to keep my little bean safe.

I tried to drink more water– easy, because I am dying of thirst. I felt less dizzy today, which seems good. I am hoping that maybe I got a little dehydrated and that is why I felt so worn out and dizzy. So mostly, I’ve just been drinking a lot of water and  trying not to stress so much. It’s been a good thing. The only negative is that I swear, I can hardly fit into my clothes. Over the past year, I had lost some 25 lbs and was really comfortable with my body. Now, nothing fits. I am so incredibly bloated it’s insane. It’s also really uncomforatble. I feel like you could stick a pin in me and I would pop. And honestly, if you could stick a pin in me, I would gladly welcome and accept that. I forgot to take my 5 weeks photo (I am going to post the 4 weeks below) but if you could see today I look like three times as large. It’s ridiculous!

It already looks like i have a bump from bloating there. I am a bloat machine. Excuse the fact that my only long mirror is in my bathroom. I apparently take any and all related pregnancy type photos in my bathroom.

Anyway, we have dinner plans tonight with some friends of ours that are not really into kids. We have picked up on their total lack of desire to have any kids of their own, and they don’t even know we have been trying. I have been thinking all day of ways to avoid drinking, I think I am just going to tell them I am on some antibiotics and can’t drink while I take them, and leave it at that. I don’t really want to deal with the Q+A of why I’m not drinking. I convinced my husband that he has to have a drink, because it looks too suspicious if we BOTH don’t have a cocktail. It’s not that I was some crazy drinker before, but I definitely had cocktails socially, and this makes it kind of difficult navigating the how do we keep people in the dark until we want them to know.

That should be a fun adventure, right?


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