I had a great convo with a fell preggers yesterday. I work in the wedding industry, and it’s “engagement season” which means we’ve gone from no inquiries and no meetings to eight million inquiries and all day back to back meetings in a really short matter of time. Further complicating matters is that I am a florist, and I have a flower shop, and I have to figure out what I am ordering for Valentines Day. So it’s been an eventful week, and the first time since I got the + that I’ve had to work 15 hour days– so I have THAT going for me. Of course, this has been really hard. I apparently will not be feeling better this week, and that’s ok. Maybe next week. It’s become an exciting game of wait and see, waiting to feel more normal. So anyway, I was chatting with a friend 2 months before her due date, and she was telling me how I needed to adjust and just feel ok with how things were going, because it was preparing me for my life that will be when I have the baby, and I won’t be able to go a million miles an hour, and I’ll have to slow down, and in some ways this was 9 months of prep for that very moment.
She also told me how it was ok that right now finding the joy in pregnancy (not so much the joy and love of the baby) is nearly impossible. I think my body hates this and that’s ok. It’s been hard. And maybe part of it is ME hating it, because I’ve always been a million mile a minute overachieving perfectionist, and I just feel like a sloth right now. If I could lie on the couch and sleep all day, I would. I really would. And I feel gross about that, because it’s not me. I’ll know I have emails i need to get to and contracts I need to finish and all I want to do is find a great corner to curl into and nap.
And to make matters worse, my feelings of hopelessness and vulnerability and the (pretty much constant) rage I feel over every little slight is really starting to get to me. I feel like I’m angry more often than anything else. I have been really hard on a girl at work the past few days, and I don’t really know how to fix it, I’ve just let myself get really angry and express that anger. I just fly off the handle and act like a child. I get so frustrated I want to cry, and instead of crying, I rage. I’m trying but it’s hard.
Generally speaking, though, I seem to be progressing right along. We are planning our “announcement” on facebook at the start of 15 weeks, and we have our 14 week appointment on Monday. I got back really good news from the N/T scan: low risk for Downs and other trisomys, so that makes me happy to know. I don’t really know what our 14 week appt will entail, probably me peeing in a cup, getting weighed to see that I’ve gained too much weight– you know, the normal stuff.
Annnd really quick a 13 week progress report on baby:
– Baby is peach sized, according to What to Expect
– Little bones are starting to form, and baby’s head, while the largest part of her body, is soon to be caught up with the body.
– The intestines are moving up through the umbilical cord into the abdominal cavity
– The vocal cords are starting to form
– Baby now has some fingertips!
I’m so ready for 14 weeks and the kick off to the second trimester!!