sorry for the absence, I was sick and then had Valentine’s Day at my retail flower shop, and I just was consumed with work. Any moment not spent working was spent lounging on the couch, reading books and feeling pretty sorry for myself.
I’ve come to accept that as I round the corner to 18 weeks (huzzah!) I am just going to be one of those ungracious, unglowing, un-awesome-time-having pregnant ladies. I still get sick every day, and have to take Zofran in the morning and Phenergan at night. My legs and feet swell now. I have crazy varicose veins and horrible pain from them. Every other day comes with a migraine headache and I am constantly feeling wiped out and less than myself.
At first, I really struggled with this. I kept thinking it was going to end/get better and Kind of lived that as a mantra through my tears. I felt like a loser. I felt inadequate. I was kept saying to myself, when things get better… when I feel more like myself…when I don’t feel sick all the time… I cried a lot. I felt sorry for myself a lot. I didn’t like feeling this way, and I certainly didn’t like feeling incapacitated and at the mercy of everyone else in the world. I was no longer the put together, highly capable, I can do anything you throw at me super human person I was before I found out that we were going to be parents.
But, now I’ve come to embrace it. It’s not that I’m less than, it’s that growing a person is a lot of hard work for me, and that my body and soul is totally doing it my way– 100,000 %. I’m not half assing this pregnancy at all. And that’s sooo typical me! I’m having nausea to the extreme and painful constipation and crying over stuff and you know what, that’s pretty cool. Does it suck sometimes? Absolutely. Is it awesome? More than words can possibly explain. I love the changes my body is going through— love seeing that little bump grow every week. I’m totally infatuated with the sound of my baby’s heart, whose little beat gets stronger and stronger every day. I love imagining the future, of thinking of the day in July when we get to me our baby… And beyond when we get to discover who this little person will become.
all in all, despite the unpleasant parts, being pregnant is pretty amazing. And all that being said, I think it time to grab some Girl Scout cookies to eat before the evening nausea kicks in.