Since finding out our little one is a wee little lady, I have been pretty obsessed with ideas for outfitting her personal paradise. The hardest part? Figuring out what crib to buy.
Let me start by saying when I was barely 12 weeks we went to Pottery Barn Kids– mecca of all things great and wonderful in the land of nursery’s and children rooms (and I’m pretty partial to the Pottery Barn for regular, everyday life) to just “browse.” Ok, so I dragged my husband in there so that he could look at all of the pretty. We looked at girl stuff. We looked at boy stuff. And then we came to the back of the store and we looked at this….a crib to rival all cribs:
I. being superficial and vain, instantly fell in love with this crib and felt like I just had to have it. I mean, after all, it’s our only child. The only one we plan on birthing. It’s our little angel. Our daughter. Our precious. I felt like the $799 price tag, while steep, was worth it since the crib would convert to a bed and the baby could use that all through childhood and young adulthood. I had lots of rationales in this department.
But the price was too high and so I let it go. I swallowed my pride and I let it go.
Fast forward to 21 weeks and i have gotten this powerful need to nest. I need to figure out what the baby is going to have! What will the baby sleep in? When are we going to paint the nursery? We are halfway to the finish line (well, less than halfway now,) and I am freaking out– there’s so much to do! So much to register for, and prepare for, and the nursery is a half done room that still has drywall issues and we really need a crib! Like Now! Like YESTERDAY.
Of course, coinciding with my nesting, PBK decides to have a sale, and throws this awesome changing table and dresser on sale of $649. A great deal, really. I spend most of the week trying to get my husband on board for at least buying this, because the kid needs a dresser and even if I don’t get the crib of my dreams, all the dresser and changing tables at other stores are made of particle board and that just really makes me uncomfortable. Not that it’s going to fall apart or something, but that my sweet little princess is going to have to put her sweet tiny clothes in what? Particle board? NO THANK YOU.
And now I pause, because I’m sure you’re reading this thinking, this chick is a total nutjob. The kid won’t notice if she has a partical board dresser or if it’s a $159 Walmart Special V. Pottery Barn crib. And you’re right, she won’t. But I will. And I’ve realized that I have a complex that involves wanting my child to have the “best.” All my life I’ve had so far down from the “best.” Usually it’s hand me downs, or thrift store buys, or target specials. And that’s fine. It’s not like i’ve died or anything. But I don’t want that for my daughter. I don’t care if hers is the nicest room in the house– so be it- I just want her to have nice things. I want her to feel like she is surrounded by beauty and grace. I don’t care if that is irrational, or crazy, or the herald of future spoiling, I just want for her to have nice things.
So, back to the dresser– yeah, I really finally got to the point where I was like, ok, I am going to buy this $650 dresser and changing table, because i love it and it’s cute and perfect, and it will last forever. And I am working on my husband, who I want to support it and gave me the “I don’t really care one way or the other,” which made me irritated and raging and angry, because damnit, you SHOULD care one way or the other, this is our CHILD…. and what happened?
The dresser sold out.
For some reason, the dresser was like a gateway drug. I thought to myself, If I buy the dresser, at this discount, then I can somehow justify buying the $800 crib. Because they go together like two peas in a pod, right? And it makes sense, right?
Now I’m back to zero, because all of the other dresser and changing tables are in the $850 range, and I feel like that is just too much. And I really loved the Anderson, it was what I wanted, and now I can’t have it and i feel like I am throwing a temper tantrum. We went shopping last Sunday and looked at a million things, and I basically came back to the Pottery Barn crib and had to just say that i would make concessions on other things (like fancy wingback chairs) but I wasn’t going to make a concession on the crib. I really want a great crib, and I think that I am not going to feel ok about it unless I get one.
I realize this is stubborn and irrational. I really and truly do. But realizing it doesn’t make it any easier or better. I’m a total crazy person.