For a solid almost three weeks I have been experiencing what is termed “prodomal labor”. I’ve enjoyed waking up, getting ready, and starting with my daily contraction run which begins with contractions every 15 minutes then 10 minutes then about 8 minutes apart by the evening. This past Thursday, things ramped up a lot when I experienced lovely contractions that made me want to die they were so painful every 3 minutes for 90 seconds each– I was sure labor was here, and then just as quickly as they had appeared, they disappeared once again.
The good thing: I’m about 100% effaced, 3.5 cm dilated and baby was at -1 station yesterday at my midwife appointment. She told us to go home, have some sex, go walking— do whatever was needed to kick this thing into the next level. We followed her advice, and I was rewarded with bloody show and progressively painful contractions until woops, they decided to go away. Again.
I woke up this morning with my friends, contractions, and some pretty serious back pain, plus the feeling like little miss had dropped right into the center of my pelvis. I encouraged husband to go walk with me and we made it about a mile and a half before the pain was getting too much. I came home, bounced on my ball, danced a little (this is pretty much the daily routine: walk, dance, bounce on the ball— try to get the contractions in a more regular pattern and progress to the next level). The back pain was hindering things a lot. I reached out to my doula, and she said “you know, if you really want her out– and I know at this point you do– maybe you should try castor oil.
Castor Oil was kind of on my list of “never in a million years,” but I confess that when you are in this much abject misery from days of not only painful contractions, but the emotional limbo of “is this it?” you tend to start considering hereto-forth thought “Crazy” ideas. She called me, we talked it over, and then she told me to call my midwife and ask what she thought. Since it’s Saturday, i had to talk to the on-call midwife, who after hearing my plight (and being sympathetic to my pain) told me that she didn’t like or trust Castor Oil, and so I should table that one.
I admit, I was disappointed.
For a brief moment, I had thought “maybe now is the time!” Maybe, by taking some castor oil, we were going to ramp things up to the next level. Nope. She told me she really thought things would happen sooner than later, and if I wanted to get checked in a bit to come down to the hospital and she’d see if all this back pain + contractions were getting me anywhere. As usual, they are progressing to a point– in this instance, they are really painful in the back and sacrum area, probably from baby’s head being in the wrong position, but I am not going to think about that. Maybe I just danced too much. Maybe I’m just a wuss.
So I type this and longingly look at my hospital bag and think about how awesome it would be to be having a baby right now, but I know that it’s probably not today. And ultimately I have to be ok with that, no matter how much I wish it were different. No matter what, sometime in the next two weeks this kid is going to be born…and that’s a lot closer than she’s been to being born any other time, so I am going to try to be zen about it, and go bounce on my ball and try to stifle the tears that threaten to fall in my misery.