Last tuesday, my due date came and went without fanfare. I focused on relaxing, taking it easy, letting my body do it’s thing. Wednesday we picked back up with walking, I upped my evening primrose oil, and just stayed in the moment of trying to let things happen naturally. We had our midwife appointment on Friday, and she checked me and found I had progressed to 4 cm dilated externally, 3.5 cm dilated internally, still 100% effaced, and baby is at 0 station. I told her how miserable I was, I begged for her to let me try castor oil, or membrane stripping, or anything– but she said she wanted to wait for Wednesday. The problem is still my cervix– it’s still posterior, and while it had moved a lot in 5 days, baby’s head was still in front of it. Sigh.
The appointment left me feeling really low. I wanted a different outcome, and I knew that I was running out of time to spend with my sweet little girl with every day she was overdue. I know I shouldn’t be that way, but it’s easy to get mired down. I’m in a few mom groups and everyone else has had their babies for my due date– I’m the most overdue. I look at the calendar and scowl.
Being overdue is hard. While it’s normal for first time moms to run to 41 + weeks, I’m just over waiting. I’m tired of being miserable every day. I’m tired of troll contractions that get my hopes up but don’t amount to anything. It’s hard to stay positive. But I’m working on it, and I know there is a DEFINITE light at the end of the tunnel– sometime in the next week, this baby will be in my arms. And that’s enough to get me over the hump and to at least take my feeling sorry for myself-ness down a notch.