No one said it was gonna be easy, and man, they were not lying. PhD programs are for real, and I’ve learned pretty quickly that I am woefully unprepared for what lies ahead.
In all honesty, I think its normal to feel like a fish out of water when you first enter your PhD program. In the past two weeks, I’ve experienced everything from elation to despair; it’s been a both tragedy and comedy at once. I realize that I pretty much don’t know anything at all, and that I am really behind when it comes to catching up. I should, in fact, be reading right now instead of writing this, but I needed a break from all the reading and attempts at getting to appear as though I’m “catching up.” Real talk– you never catch up.
There’s no way to know 100% of everything, and that’s ok. Part of why I’m doing this in the first place is my love of learning, the love of being a student, the love of knowledge acquisition– a love motivated largely by the fact that there’s no way I’m ever going to know and learn all this world and life has to offer.
I can rationally say and type that information, but the truth of the matter is that I’m still feeling like the lowest woman on the totem pole over here– and hey, that’s ok. I’ll keep plugging at it until I have a glimmer of self-confidence. I’ll let you know when that time comes, if ever.