So, I fell off the wagon while on vacation.
Let’s all be honest together right now, you knew it was coming. I see you nodding over there, I see you. I was strong the first three days– mostly because I knew I had to fit into my vow renewal dress, and I wanted to look good. I drank vodka and club sodas with splashes of cranberry juice. I wasn’t crazy with the buffet in the morning. While we didn’t work out (I forgot my gym shoes, and also, my motivation), I made it a point to get in 10k steps a day, to swim lazy laps in the pool, and to at least make an effort not be a total sloth.
Although, man, sloths are so cute…
So, the vow renewal happened, and I was like “F! this s–t, I’m eating cake mother–fers”!Basically, I am all those people running to the cake, not the chick that is having willpower and walking away.
And I’m just going to be honest right now– the food was so, so, good there. I mean, really good. We are talking 5-star perfection. Our vow renewal meal alone was something you could cry about, with this wood-fire grilled filet served by the ocean, with these butter-roasted potatoes and dessert that was creme brulee. I realized a new appreciation for salads dressed in really good olive oil. Grass fed butter on fresh-baked artisan rolls. The breakfasts were just divine, the morning after our vow renewal I had strawberry waffles and lox bagels with cream cheese, delicious cappuccino with full-fat milk. We went to a french meal that night, where I basically ate all the things. It was both terrible and wonderful at the same time.
I realized a new appreciation for salads dressed in really good olive oil. For grass fed butter on fresh-baked artisan rolls. The breakfasts were just divine, the morning after our vow renewal I had strawberry waffles and lox bagels with cream cheese, served with delicious cappuccino made with full-fat milk. We went to a french meal that night where I basically ate all the things. It was both terrible and wonderful at the same time.
The problem here, you see, is that I’m addicted to food. I know that I’m addicted to food. The smile on my face and the over-full feeling in my belly was a testimony to the fact that I have a problem that can’t be fixed with a decision to be mindful of my eating habits and being accountable with my fitness goals. I need strong reform. I fell off the wagon so hard that the cream puffs and chocolate tasting couldn’t save me from the injuries that occurred from the fall. I was totally screwed.
I returned home and gave myself a day to wallow in misery and eat club sandwiches and french fries.
I am just being totally transparent here. Why? Because we need to be transparent about our failures– because we aren’t perfect. I was probably silly to think I could “be perfect” on vacation and only eat salads and lean proteins. I was disillusioned to believe I could avoid all of the desserts and lavish offerings at an all-inclusive resort, as though that was really even an option to someone that was totally weak at heart when it came to cream puffs and cake.
BUT– and here’s the big but, normally this is where I would give up. I’d say, aww, hell, this is too hard. I don’t want to keep doing this weight loss and fitness thing. I can’t possibly lose the 52 pounds I need to lose– because I had gotten down to 50 I needed to lose, and I had gained back 2. And I looked back at what I had accomplished, and I said to myself, check out where you were:
And check out who you were the day before you left for vacation, 50 lbs lighter…
And admit for just a second that PROGRESS looks good on you. That’s right, PROGRESS, not perfection. Make it a mantra.
I stared long and hard at these photos and decided that tomorrow started the clock over again, and I could do this.
Tomorrow is a new day. And I did learn something healthy: I love salads dressed in a little olive oil and salt and pepper. I’m totally ready to tackle Friday’s cardio. Autumn, I’m coming for you, girl.